I can only think of two times that I’ve been on CCL’s bad side. I don’t recall now what action or words led to her giving me the cold shoulder each of those delightful occasions, but I’m sure it was something ridiculously minor that any reasonable soul wouldn’t ever have thought twice about.
Most days I wish I could remember what it was that caused her to ignore me, as it was quite effective—but with it comes the risk of getting on her REALLY bad side. And I do mean REALLY bad. I was reminded of this today—a day during which I’ve not exactly been the most chipper or happy with my boss & her inability to communicate—when CCL suggested I take Rice Krispie treats a co-worker put in the break room & mold them to look like my boss so that I could then attack said treat…and then re-build it and do it all over again. Shortly thereafter, she said she was thinking about it and realized that everything one would need to pull off the perfect murder exists at the flea market. Plus, there’s the added bonus of not having security cameras or receipts that will later incriminate you. (I told her she was scaring me. And she was.)
But, having said all of that, CCL’s usual proposed form of revenge goes back to voodoo dolls and virtual viruses. She actually has looked at voodoo dolls online for purchase & wants to get one to use on her boss, Cow. (Cow has ridiculous looking orange-red hair & so CCL said she’d paint the doll’s hair accordingly.) Fortunately for all of us, CCL is as cheap as they come, so she won’t be wasting money on a doll. She’ll instead save that money for a kitty toy she finds at a garage sale, which is her usual weekend activity with her mother.
Beyond the voodoo doll is the threat of a virtual virus. It is not a typical computer virus that destroys a computer—it’s some email you can send to a person letting them know they’ve been infected with a virus of some kind. I’ve heard about this for almost five years now and still haven’t bothered to Google it to see what it actually is, but the impression I get each time she brings it up is that it’s some kind of email that says “you have been given the flu” or something. I don’t know. I don’t ask & she always says the exact same lines each time she tells me about it, so I never get any additional information. Which reminds me… What I love is that every time CCL brings something up she seems to think it’s a revelation—even though she’s talked about it for five years in some cases. It’s always, “You know, they do have virtual viruses you can send someone!” (Please note that if I could do half of an exclamation point here I would, as that is more representative of the excitement level she has than what is implied by using a full exclamation point.) Today I said, “I know.” I normally act like I’m learning along with her, but I didn’t have any ounce of charity in my bones today.
Speaking of which…
I sent her a picture today of an adorable dog that belongs to a friend of Doc’s. He sent it in an attempt to cheer me up. And it did. Anyway, I passed it on to CCL & said, “Isn’t she adorable?!” She replied with a picture of her cat and said, “Yes, but not as adorable as this.” It took her no time at all. She has pictures of her cat at the ready. So, I emailed back and said that I was sure her expressed opinion was due to her own bias & that she truly meant the dog was cuter than any cat. (I told you I wasn’t feeling charitable.) That resulted in an immediate personal visit from her, telling me about her cat’s eyes that are like Puss in Boots’ from the Shrek movies. I normally don’t bother emailing her or replying to emails she sends me. Why I bothered today is beyond me. I was regretting it the entire ten minutes she stood in my cube & told me about how sweet her cat is & how “kitty just loves mommy”.
However, I can pretty safely say that me putting up with moments like that—even when I bring them on myself—assures that there is not a voodoo doll that looks identical to me sitting in one of her drawers somewhere. This is more than I can say for some people in CCL’s life...
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