Humor. Well, attempted at least.

CCL has a particular kind of humor.  The kind that annoys me, that is.  Case in point:

This morning, we have guests from the corporate office holding a meeting here in our office.  I was in charge of making sure they’re fed, so I was at the office at 6:15 am to get breakfast together & meet the caterer when he dropped off food.  I never know what people will like, so I usually over –order—as was the case today.  When all was said and done, there were several biscuit sandwiches and lots of grits leftover, so I took them downstairs to the floor where I work (alongside CCL) so that my cohorts could enjoy them.  As is the case any time I send out an email about freebies, CCL makes a mad dash to get there first.  What’s interesting is that sometimes I think she gets there even before I’ve hit “send”.  It’s an odd phenomenon. 

At any rate, I got into the kitchen for a glass of water & sure enough, CCL was hovering over the biscuits, mumbling something to herself (most likely something about how none of it is food she’d eat & how I never get anything she likes; keep in mind that list of likes is mighty short & not enjoyable).  As I was leaving the kitchen, one of the managers grabbed a foil-wrapped biscuit and jokingly said, “I can microwave this, right?”  I said, “Yep. Just give me time to sell tickets for the fireworks show.”  I kept walking, but CCL was on to my scent and followed me back to my desk. She said, “You know, you could get arrested for being an accessory to murder.”  I knew exactly where she was going with it, but didn’t want to play along.  I never want to play along.  She doesn’t get that.  So, she continued the joke herself: “I mean he could die.  You could have murdered him.” Me: [uninterested] “Mmmhmm.” CCL: “Yeah, he could die.  Or he could make the microwave die.  And that would be horrible, so then we’d murder you.  Do you really want to be responsible for this blood bath?  I mean really?”  Of course, I’d long checked out of this conversation.  And she’d started to walk away in-between sentences a couple of times.  But each time I mistakenly looked up, she confused it as me being interested in what she was saying, so she’d turn around and come back, inching closer each time.  She finally got bored with my disinterest & headed back to her own desk, but not before acting like she’d just said the wittiest thing ever.

And that’s how it always goes.  I realize she doesn’t get out at all & has no social life, aside from her online personas, but still…you’d think her humor would’ve evolved on its own as she grew up.  But, no.  It’s always the same lines, the same stories, etc.  When I wear a particular striped polo shirt, I can count on her saying, “Are we a prisoner today?”  (Without fail.  I kid you not.)  And then she pauses, as if I’m supposed to say something amazing in response to that.  If I say, “Yes, I’m a prisoner to my job”, she’d stay and complain about how her job is the most stressful one here.  If I say, “No” then she tries a variety of other lines in order to get a response from me.  It’s a no-win situation any way that you look at it.